I love lists – lists of goals, lists of things to get done around the house, lists of reasons I love bacon, and of course, the to-do list.
Lists are something I especially enjoy at the start of a new year. They help me to clarify and prioritize. But I recently came across a list that is more important than any of my usual lists.
It is a list I don’t think about often enough. It is a “love list”.
This revelation came in the form of a book entitled The Love List by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot. I learned of this book in a moms’ group I used to attend. The Love List was the topic that was being presented at the bi-monthly meeting. The presentation moved me to run out and get the book. I just rediscovered the book just last week as I was feverishly cleaning out the basement.
The full title of the book is, The Love List: Eight Little Things That Make A Big Difference In Your Marriage.
Well, who can’t use a refresher course to help organize you and your special somebody so that you can truly enjoy one of the most important relationships you will ever have?? And what better way to do that but in the form of a list? Organized and romantic.
The Love List begins by giving you all the ways that your marriage will benefit from reading this book. What it also went on to say is that your marriage will benefit just from having the book.
A little “Cliff Clavinism” that I just learned is that research shows that people who merely make lists and keep them handy are much more likely to attain their goals than those who do not. So if nothing else, just keep this list in a visible spot and watch your relationship bloom!!
The book consists of a list of eight healthy habits for your marriage.
These eight suggestions are broken into four sections – two things to do EACH DAY, two things to do EACH WEEK, two things to do EACH MONTH, and two things to do EACH YEAR. Sounds simple enough (even though I have yet to put this into action). Here is the abridged version:
ONCE A DAY…..
Take Time To Touch (If Only For a Minute)
Physical touch (and not the kind that is a precursor to sex) – the gentle squeeze of an arm, the back rub, the hug – is “critical to building romance and intimacy in your marriage”. It is one of the best ways to communicate love, an apology or appreciation for your spouse.
Find Something That Makes You Both Laugh
Humor in your relationship can be just plain fun. It can also lighten the difficult times, make it easier to cope with problems, and help alleviate physical illness. Laughter bonds you and your spouse.
ONCE A WEEK…..
Do Something Active That Lifts Your Spirits
Sharing an activity together keeps you and your spouse interested in each other’s likes and hobbies. It keeps you more passionate for life and for each other.
Boost Your Partner’s Self-Esteem
Encouraging your spouse helps your marriage operate more effortlessly. It lowers the defenses of the other which, in turn, opens the relationship up to more intimacy and passion. If a person feels good about themselves, he is more apt to be happy which makes the relationship happier too.
ONCE A MONTH…..
Rid Yourselves of Harmful Residue
Ridding yourselves of baggage (and we can accumulate a lot in a month) gives you both a clean start. This baggage may include unfinished business, talks about feeling lonely, discussions of money, talks about emotional needs, thoughts on feelings of anger. This is essentially the “monthly meeting”.
Fire Up Passion in the Bedroom
I really shouldn’t have to say more than that, but the book does have some helpful suggestions. Perhaps make a purchase of something fun for you both to enjoy together – a little number from Victoria’s Secret, candles, music, a how-to book, etc., etc., etc. It needs to be an intentional effort on both your parts. Open discussion needs to be part of the equation.
ONCE A YEAR…..
Review Your Top-Ten Highlights
The healthy habit of reviewing the good things that happened to you and your family will keep fruitless thinking away. It helps you get energized for your future together. This can be achieved by having an evening where the previous year is revisited through photos and/or video or while family journals are read aloud or while having fun discussions of the “good times” over a bottle of wine. The only rule is to just make it about the positives of your relationship/family.
Chart a Course for the Upcoming Year
Much like it is done in the business world, set specific goals for your marriage for the upcoming year. Create a mission statement together, discuss what is working for the marriage and what needs to change, and make resolutions together. List these goals, etc. together and keep them handy throughout the year.
The book gets into the nitty-gritty of how to actually implement these eight suggestions. It truly seems like the essential to-do list for married couples. I am sure I will really enjoy checking things off this list.
But I look forward even more to achieving the book’s ultimate goal – building a better marriage.