When my son turned 9 a few months ago, we bought him an iPad.
We did so sort of reluctantly.
He’d already been clamoring for the family iPad on an almost daily basis, as was his little brother. And we didn’t want to necessarily introduce another device that would distract his attention from the things that really mattered. School, family, friends and connecting with the world around him for real, not virtually.
But we knew it would make him happy. No. That’s not exactly right. We knew buying him his own iPad would probably make him pee his pants with joy. (If you also have a 9-year-old tech-obsessed boy, you know this is not too much of an exaggeration.)
But there would be rules.
Yes rules, we told him as he nodded vigorously – without breaking our gaze – while already running his fingers over the touchscreen.
It would be used mostly for education (Yes. That’s what we said.) And he would need to ask permission to use it. It wouldn’t be kept under his pillow (guilty), or in his room even, and there’d be so many parental controls he’d be lucky to figure out how to email his grandmother, never mind posting a picture to Instagram.
We didn’t want him to become part of the Heads-Down generation. To be lost in a screen more than he was lost in thought. But, we also wanted him to be part of this technological revolution that had so many positive aspects to it too. And to learn how to use it responsibly.
The trick is finding a balance. Because it’s not only the iPad that holds sway over many adolescents, it’s also the gaming systems and television and computers and smartphones that are taking up more and more of their time. Taking up more of my son’s time.
“The biggest thing that was on my mind, was that I wanted to protect my son’s boyhood,” said parent and author Janell Burley Hofmann, about the iPhone contract she wrote for her 13-year-old son two years ago.
“I wanted to make sure the smart phone didn’t rob him of human experiences – hanging out in person with friends, seeing a movie, shooting hoops. I wanted to preserve those pieces of life for him, while teaching him to be a smart user and responsible of technology, just like I want him to be smart and responsible in other areas of life.”
Hofmann, author of “iRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know About Selfies, Sexting, Gaming and Growing Up” will speak at the River Valley Charter School on Wednesday, Nov. 5 at 7pm as part of the “Navigating the Parenting Years” speaker series, a collaboration of the Newburyport PTO, Newburyport Youth Services Beacon Coalition, and River Valley Charter School’s Parents’ Alliance.
Hofmann, a mom of five, will discuss how to create and manage your own set of family iRules, slow-tech parenting, respect: online and at home, responsibility and balance, for all members of the family.
The first 50 guests will receive a free copy of her book.
Among parents’ biggest fears when it comes to kids and technology, according to Hofmann, are safety, addiction and the parent-child struggle. For her family, she said, “The contract kicked down the door of uncertainty. If we were going to have technology, we were going to be upfront about how we use it. It became a guide or reference point for tech use.”
And the rules apply not only to the kids, but to mom and dad too.
“Of course we all try to be mindful tech users,” said Hofmann. “Just like the kids, we’re not perfect. But we do try to be model digital citizens.”
Hofmann said it’s so important for parents to work on striking a balance with technology use so that kids will follow in their footsteps.
“I think we’re seeing a huge shift right now from just children and teens binging on tech to all members of the family,” said Hofmann. “Young children, tweens and teens are seeing their parents heads down or distracted more than ever. They think it’s the way. So it’s important that parents are having healthy relationships to technology too. That takes awareness and practice for all of us.”
Hofmann said the strategies she offers parents are points of dialogue, easy ways to open the conversation with children. Communication, she added, can be learned and nurtured and help everyone have tech health.
“My goal is always to have parents leave my talks feeling empowered and reassured,” said Hofmann. “I love when parents tell me they don’t feel so afraid or overwhelmed by technology. That means I’ve done my job.”
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iRules Author Janell Burley Hofmann will speak on Nov. 5 at 7pm at The River Valley Charter School, 2 Perry Way, Newburyport. Please visit the Newburyport PTO page in the coming weeks for information on upcoming speakers in the Navigating the Parenting Years series.