I have an idea!
Now if I say that in the vicinity of my husband, my exclamation is generally followed by his breath of exasperation and an eye roll. That’s ‘cause I have a lot of ideas and they often mean some work for him. Well, guess what, this one will too! So eye roll all you want, honey…..although I suspect you would be pleased by the end result.
There has been much discussion of the topic of marriage lately. The Americans for Marriage Equality campaign has done a stellar job of bringing the topic to the forefront of the national consciousness. I’d like to discuss marriage too. But I’d like to discuss Marriage Quality.
When I was a teacher I was required to accumulate a certain number of continuing education credits each year to keep my license. The same is true for many other professions. I didn’t mind because it made sense. Attending these classes and seminars helped me stay abreast of new and innovative practices in the field of education. It created an atmosphere of sharing and collaboration where I could learn from my colleagues and borrow from their experiences. The seminars also kept me from getting stale; they made me excited to be a teacher again. Accreditation bodies put enough importance in their respective professions to require this kind of upkeep. So who accredits marriages?
Marriage Tune-ups
I propose that we implement a system whereby marriage licenses need to be renewed with continuing education credits. Married persons would annually attend seminars on any number of topics including, “How to Grill the Perfect Porterhouse and Mix a Mean Martini” or “What is a Vacuum and Where Do We Keep It?”. Once basic classes like that were covered, students could move on to “Why Lying There Like a Dead Fish Does Not Make Your Partner Feel Desired” or “Would It Kill You to Tell Me I Looked Hot and Sexy or Do I Really Have to Read Crap Like Fifty Shades of Grey and Pretend That You Are Christian and I Am Anastasia to Get My Freak On?”. Once the proper number of credits were accumulated, partners would go blissfully on their way home to implement all the “new” strategies that they were sure they wouldn’t forget in the first place on that enchanted day that they both said, “I Do”.
I know we could never force this issue, nor would we want to. I like a free society. I dig America. I know that it would even be a challenge to incentivize a program like this with tax credits or cash bonuses. Heck, we can’t pay for what we’ve got. But a program like this would really have the potential to make this country a happier place.
Study upon study shows that happy couples make for happier families. Some studies even suggest that prioritizing your spouse over your children makes for a more harmonious house.
Shining City by the Sea
Now just close your eyes and imagine the thousands of happy and content married people leaving their happy and content homes each morning to partake in what would quickly become their happy and content workplaces and communities at large. Think about the interactions they would have. And If they have children, think of the rosy-cheeked cherubs who are basking in the love that is bouncing off the walls of their homes. If I am not careful, I will start belting out Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World”. Too late…..
The colors of a rainbow…..so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces…..of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands…..sayin.. how do you do
They’re really sayin……i love you.
Ok, so I have created a utopian love-fest and it’ll never happen. I get it. I hear you. But I am an optimist and I believe I can remain so by taking baby steps. I argue that all marriages could benefit from the same baby steps. Perhaps a chance to brush up on some romance and communication skills could be the baby steps we need. And since the nation is on the topic of marriage, it seems like a good time to talk about making them better. Let the marriage ceu-earning begin!
Whether couples sharpen their spousal skills because it is mandated by the government or just because it is the right thing to do, we could all use a booster. I suspect my husband won’t mind this idea hitting his to-do list. I for one am thawing a fine Porterhouse presently. I’ll serve it to my husband tonight, without the side of dead fish. I am sure he’ll be happy to eat it accompanied by his martini only after he lovingly offers to vacuum the house. And then perhaps we’ll burn my copy of Fifty Shades together. ‘Cause we’ll have no time to read it, I am sure.