Aunt Millie’s turkey dryer than Plum Island driftwood? Slap on some gravy and choke it down anyway!
The kids terrified of pungent, fat men in crimson jumpsuits? Pop a squat on Santa’s lap, Junior! Save up for that vacation to warmer climes or spend it all on Frozen/Star Wars toys? Flex those credit card muscles to the max, Mom & Dad!
Ah, the Holiday Season. But beyond the jam-packed, screamtastic four-hour traffic-athalons to Grandma’s house (can you throw us a bleeping bone, Hampton tollbooth?), the inevitable glaze of post-present depression in your children’s eyes (No BMW 3-Series again?),and one more round of solemn New Years resolution lies, there IS Holiday Hope! Here is my perfect playbook for a successful and spirited Holiday Season in and around Newburyport!
1. You’re gonna need a tree. I don’t care if you celebrate Christmas or not. They make your house smell amazing and cutting down trees helps the ozone… err… never mindthat last part… you’re gonna need a tree! This is the year you do not buy that rubbery needle-shedder from Rodney in the Cumbie’s parking lot. Make our forefathers proud and take the whole famn damily out to Crane Neck Christmas Tree Farm in West Newbury www.cranenecktreefarm.com or Tonry Christmas Tree Farm in Hampton Falls, NH www.tonryfarm.com and hack one down yourself. Or, have your freshly shorn balsams, firs, and sprucies hauled from field to car via a big black bear! Well ALMOST – there is an annual Newfie Christmas Tree Pull at Smolak Farms in North Andover every year along with other events. www.smolakfarms.com/trees. Failing the Newfie Pull, you could always just get the kids that Newfoundland puppy they’ve been pining for. Hey, they’ll shed less than your tree (no, they won’t). Want to stay closer to home…. check out Cider Hill Farm in Amesbury – this is their first year open for the holidays.
((1A. aka Circle of Life. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, it’s time throw you in a three story high bonfire! When all the Holiday Hoopla’s come and gone, you’ll to need a place to put the aforementioned tree. I say ignite the New Year at the 5th Annual Old Newbury Christmas Tree Bonfire at the Spencer Pierce Little Farm on Saturday January 10th, 2015. The perfect family event for a cold January day: apple cider (and cider donuts!), music, games, tours, crafts, and the company of thousands of your neighbors. And the swanky, retro Ipswich Beer truck just may make an appearance. Your old trees can be dropped off at the Newbury Fire Department at 3 Morgan Ave. or the Byfield Fire Department at 44 Central Street.))
2. Reserve your babysitter NOW and hit the town for one of Newburyport’s Holiday Invitation Nights. Downtown is open from 6:00 – 9:00 on Friday December 5th, 12th, and 19th. The Shoppes (old English spelling makes everything more Christmasy) stay open late (and serve hot cider and wine), the streets fill up with merriment, and downtown Newburyport never looks prettier than on these chilly December nights — whether viewed through wine goggles or not. This is the way to shop. And YES, you give said babysitter a deserved Holiday bonus. Don’t forget your child’s teacher, daycare provider, mailman, paperboy, garbage/recycling collector, hairdresser, pedicurist, waiter, barista, plumber, electrician, veterinarian (hey, you wanted the Newfie puppy), and bankruptcy lawyer.
3. Take in a Holiday show at the Firehouse Center For The Arts. This season’s lineup includes the musical panto, “Cidenderella in December”, “Holiday Sing Along” a $3-a-ticket family event complete with a treat for the kids, the winter ballet classic, “The Nutcracker”, and its more contemporary counterpart, “The Nutbuster” (hurts just to type it). Event info at: www.firehouse.org
4. See Santa. Generic , run-of-the-mill, out-on-parole Mall Santa is SO CLICHÉ (and probably hung over). Instead, take the tikes to see the real Chris Cringle at Inn Street and at jolly old St. Nick’s own local hangout, right across from the playground. Saturdays & Sundays 11:00 – 2:00 through December. Fresh from the Newburyport Christmas Parade via Coast Guard Boat, Kris Kringle parks the sleigh at Inn Street between Eat Cake and Cafe Sienna.
5. Themed Road Trip. ♪♫♩♬ Over the Merrimack River and through the woods to North Conway we go. Chris Van Allsburg’s timeless picture book, The Polar Express comes to life at “The Polar Express Of New England” – www.polarexpress.org – a train ride full of fresh cookies, hot cocoa, and the perpetuation of disbelief!
Remember….Santa IS real. While you’re up there, you might as well (READ: your kids will hate you if you don’t) hit Santa’s Village just up the road in Jefferson, NH. www.santasvillage.com/public/seasons_and_events/seasons/christmastime.cfm
(warning – GRATUITUS LOCAL AUTHOR PLUG –)
6. Local books. If Frosty, the Grinch and Goldendoodle Christmas become a bit “been there, done that”, keep things closer to home and support the books of our resident authors and illustrators: Dana Alison Levy’s The Misadventures of the Family Fletcher (middle grade novel, ages 9-12); Meg Mitchell Moore’s So Far Away, (middle grade novel); Donna Seim & Susan Spellman’s Charley (ages 9-11 chapter book); Sean Bixby’s The Goblin’s Story (picture book, ages 3-7), and AJ Smith’s (yup, that’s me) Even Monsters (picture book, ages 2-5). Buy local at Jabberwocky or The Book Rack. There’s a reason Newburyport has its own weekend long Literary Festival every year!
7. Imbibe Responsibly. Run out for “more wrapping paper and Scotch tape” by in addition/instead swinging over to Nix’s, The Grog, or Mission Oak for actual scotch or a signature seasonal drink! Christmas spirit(s) indeed.
8. See the “professionally” decorated trees. Take in the lights at the 2nd Annual Sea Festival of Trees at Blue Ocean Music Hall in Salisbury Beach. Join in on the auctions or try their new indoor ice rink. Proceeds benefit local charities. http://www.blueoceanhall.com/seafestival-of-trees/about-the-festival.html. Also the Newburyport holiday house tour is a favorite for many in town.
9. Toys4Tots. Forgo buying that last Teenage Mutant Monster High Ninjago Lego with the compass in the stock and donate to charity instead. A few good ones, where your money can really make a difference: Toys For Tots (donation box at the “new” Farley’s on State Street – where in addition to fine clothes, they now feature a pool table and bar), Boston Children’s Hospital, and Amesbury Holiday Program’s Sponsor-A-Child. Check out The Charity Navigator at www.charitynavigator.org for more info/ideas.
10. Season of Giving. Make that last suggestion the first one on your list! Let’s give to those who really need it this year! Invite that grumpy, humbug uncle or aunt to your house.
Besides, it’s the Holidays and you’re going to be shell-shocked anyway.
Pass the gravy, please, Aunt Millie!
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FYI Newburyport Newbies….
YEAT: A colloquial word used in Newburyport, Massachusetts at least before the Second World War (1939-1945), allegedly shouted from one naval ship to another to identify a resident of Newburyport. Also used to show both affirmation and disapproval (“yes,” “no”); first word of the Newburyport slang-phrase “yeat the bun.” Yeat can be used as a greeting, as a noun, an interjection, an adjective, and a verb. Possibly a gallic four letter word, but historians are still debating the issue.